Tier 01
Day Labourer
For solo gremlins who just want their boxes full and their backs ruined.
12scrap
/ wipe
/ wipe
- ✦1,000 stone
- ✦200 metal frags
- ✦Couple handfuls of wood
- ✦A pep talk delivered via /team chat
[ EST. 2013 — NAKED & AFRAID DIV. ]
Farm, baby, farm.
WE LOVE TO
SMACK ROCKS
Premium rock-smacking, tree-pwning, and node-slapping services for the discerning naked survivor. We farm so you don't have to.
9,341Nodes Smacked
|612 tSulfur Mined
|0Apologies
SCROLL
WE FARM SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO✦SULFUR · STONE · METAL · WOOD✦GOT WOOD? NO? WE CAN FIX THAT.✦*SLAPS NODE* — THIS BABY✦ROCK SMACKERS LOCAL #420✦HAND-ARTISAN SULFUR · SINGLE-NODE ORIGIN✦TREES FEAR US · BUSHES TOO✦FROM NODE TO FURNACE IN UNDER AN HOUR✦WE FARM SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO✦SULFUR · STONE · METAL · WOOD✦GOT WOOD? NO? WE CAN FIX THAT.✦*SLAPS NODE* — THIS BABY✦ROCK SMACKERS LOCAL #420✦HAND-ARTISAN SULFUR · SINGLE-NODE ORIGIN✦TREES FEAR US · BUSHES TOO✦FROM NODE TO FURNACE IN UNDER AN HOUR✦
// 01 — WHAT WE DO
SERVICES,
RENDERED.
Farming. It's what we do. That's all. Just farming. Pick a flavor and we'll smack it into shape.
SVC-001BOOM-BOOM
FARM SULFUR
Hand-mined, single-node origin. Yellow gold, fresh from the cliff face.
612 t
Q1 yield
SVC-002ROCK BOIS
FARM STONE
Need help getting your rocks? We got you, bro. Bulk pricing on request.
1.2M
rocks smacked
SVC-003*SLAPS NODE*
FARM METAL ORE
*slaps node* this baby's got what you need. Hand-pried with love.
318 t
refined ready
SVC-004TREE PWNAGE
FARM WOOD
Got wood? No? We can fix that. Trees fear us. Bushes too.
94,021
trees pwned
// 05 — PRICING (LMAO)
CHOOSE YOUR
SUFFERING.
Three tiers. One outcome. You wake up rich in scrap and poor in dignity.
MOST POPULAR
Tier 02
Quarry Tier
Bulk haul. Multi-node. Pre-smelted. You name it, we grind it.
4k scrap
/ wipe
/ wipe
- ✦10,000 sulfur, hand-mined
- ✦Refined metal, ready to craft
- ✦On-site furnace babysitting
- ✦Weekly lumber delivery
ENTERPRISE
Tier 03
Sulfur Sovereign
For clans who run furnaces 24/7 and consider node-counting a love language.
∞yield
/ month
/ month
- ✦Unlimited sulfur (yes, really)
- ✦On-demand HQM artisans
- ✦Dedicated quarry operators
- ✦A signed Womamomd pickaxe (used)
WE FARM SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO✦SULFUR · STONE · METAL · WOOD✦GOT WOOD? NO? WE CAN FIX THAT.✦*SLAPS NODE* — THIS BABY✦ROCK SMACKERS LOCAL #420✦HAND-ARTISAN SULFUR · SINGLE-NODE ORIGIN✦TREES FEAR US · BUSHES TOO✦FROM NODE TO FURNACE IN UNDER AN HOUR✦WE FARM SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO✦SULFUR · STONE · METAL · WOOD✦GOT WOOD? NO? WE CAN FIX THAT.✦*SLAPS NODE* — THIS BABY✦ROCK SMACKERS LOCAL #420✦HAND-ARTISAN SULFUR · SINGLE-NODE ORIGIN✦TREES FEAR US · BUSHES TOO✦FROM NODE TO FURNACE IN UNDER AN HOUR✦
// 02 — THE ROSTER
MARVELOUS
MOTHERF*****RS.
These absolute units get shit done. Hand-picked from the wreckage. No interviews, no resumes — just bodies, body-armor, and bad attitudes.
PLAYER_01
ONLINE
Womamomd
Pick God
“I have not stopped swinging since 2013.”
K/D
∞
SPEC
PICKAXE
PLAYER_02
ONLINE
Qigorwen Q. Pine
Tree-Pwner Extraordinare
“Every tree is a personal grudge.”
K/D
13.7
SPEC
HATCHET
PLAYER_03
ONLINE
Adralikoth Pertersen
Token Bald Guy
“We could charge for this. Hear me out.”
K/D
4.2
SPEC
STRATEGY
We smack more rocks than anyone else. Guaranteed.
// 06 — REVIEWS (VERIFIED LIES)
CUSTOMERS
SPEAK OUT.
★★★★★
4.97Based on 9,341 reviews from naked guys who definitely exist and definitely weren't paid in sulfur.
BeanLord_69
Solo Builder
★★★★★
“I ordered 5k stone on Monday. It was in my tool cupboard by Tuesday. I didn't even mine. I just built. 11/10.”
VERIFIED PURCHASEWIPE 7F
TwoChairsClan
Trio · Quarry Tier
★★★★★
“Used to spend the whole wipe smacking nodes. Now we craft and chill. Boys are happier. Furnaces are full.”
VERIFIED PURCHASEWIPE 7F
OfflineRayBan
Sleeping-bag Farmer
★★★★★
“I asked for wood. They sent a man named Qigorwen. A tree died that day. My fireplace has not been cold since.”
VERIFIED PURCHASEWIPE 7F
ZergMomma
12-Man Clan Leader
★★★★★
“Best decision since we stopped letting Brent craft. The boys' yields are up 300%, my marriage is down 80%. Net positive.”
VERIFIED PURCHASEWIPE 7F
barrelhitter.gif
Itinerant Farmer
★★★★★
“Sent them 200 scrap, got 4kg of sulfur back. No notes. I just sit by the furnace and weep.”
VERIFIED PURCHASEWIPE 7F
FurnaceDad
Sulfur Sovereign (Verified)
★★★★★
“rust.farm runs my supply chain. I haven't held a pickaxe in 3 wipes. My hands are soft. My boxes are full.”
VERIFIED PURCHASEWIPE 7F
// 03 — THE JOURNEY
OUR JOURNEY TO
GREATNESS
We're the best. #humblebrag
- 2013 — 2016
Humble Beginnings
We smacked rocks for fun. Big rocks. Little rocks. Trees. Then came barrels, and we smacked those too. No people, though. That's just wrong.
- December 2016
Double Trouble
QQP joined the team. We DP-ed resources on the regular. It was fun, but we needed more...
- February 2018
Sh*t Gets Real
Picked up Token Bald Guy from a farm team. Top-shelf idea: PEOPLE WOULD TOTES PAY US TO DO THIS.
- March 2018
Money. Money. Money.
We onboard the first customers and get down to the business of farming. Good times.
- Today
Be Part of Our Story
Wallets out, naked ones. We're hiring clients faster than we can mine sulfur.
BE
HERE
// 09 — TERMINAL ACCESS
LIVE FROM THE
QUARRY
naked@rust.farm:~$
// 10 — DIY DEPT.
FARM IT
YOURSELF.
Demo your skills. Move with WASD or arrows. Hold SPACE to smack the nearest node. Your career haul stays on this page.
STN0
SLF0
ORE0
WOD0
Total Hauled0
READY TO FARM?
Click below or hit SPACE to begin
WASD MOVESPACE MINE
Keyboard required. Mobile users: take a break, you earned it.
// 08 — ROADMAP TO RUIN
WHAT'S
NEXT?
Forward-looking statements. Probably illegal. Definitely on-brand.
Q1shipped
Vertical Sulfur Integration
Opened the first cloud-native quarry. Hired a goat to scout. Goat quit. Yields up 18%.
Q2shipped
Decentralized Tree-Pwning
Pwned one (1) tree in every biome on the map. Audit pending. Bark on the wall.
Q3in-progress
Furnace-as-a-Service™
Smelting capacity-on-demand. SLA: 99.4% uptime. Coal supplied by the customer.
Q4in-progress
AI-Powered *Slaps Node*
Train a 7B param model on 12 years of Womamomd's voice memos to predict node sweet spots.
Q5speculative
Sulfur-Backed Stablecoin
$SLFR — pegged 1:1 with a kilogram of hand-mined yellow.
Q6delusional
Lunar Quarry
We have been told the moon is, technically, a really big rock. Investors interested.
// 07 — FAQ (FREQUENTLY ANGRY QUESTIONS)
BUT
WHY THOUGH?
- Define real. We farm rocks. The rocks are real. The hours are real. The hand cramps — extremely real.
// 04 — TRANSACTION
HIRE
THE PROS.
Need resources? Got money? We can hook you up, bro.